01.05.05 Colin John 14:15-21 Never Alone
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Good relationships are the substance of the human experience; we cannot live without them. Modern brain research has found that a significant part of the way in which each of us behaves and relates to others, is what they describe as ‘hard wired’ into our brain. It’s in our genetic make-up; it’s there because that’s the way that we were created. St Augustine describes this when he say ‘the heart of man will not rest until it finds it rest in God’. He was saying very clearly that human beings were designed to be in relationship with God, and could not be truly satisfied by any human experience; our hearts always restless until we establish a relationship with God.
But, a very significant part of the way in which we relate to other people is learned. We learn from our parents from the moment of birth onwards. The way in which they interacted and related to us taught us how we should relate to other people. The manner in which parents relate to their children teaches them how to behave. The way parents deal with the smiles, the need for love; the anger, the tantrums and the insecurity that is common to all children growing up, teaches children how they should relate to others. The way that parents handle the struggle for independence that every child has as they come to their teens helps them to learn how to manage relationships with others. It’s an awesome responsibility. But of course, as children get older, the influence of peers and friends kicks in and children often learn how to manage relationships from people of their own age group; there are times when peer learning is good; sometimes children learning from their peers brings despair to parents.
For three years, Jesus has been teaching his disciples about relationships with God and with each other. Much of that teaching was by spoken word. But, like our relationships, I suspect the biggest learning experience for the disciples was observing how Jesus related to and spoke to other people; and how he related to the disciples and modelled for them what relationships should be like. They lived together, more or less day and night, for three years, and built up a very strong and close relationship.
There must have been a lot of learning about, and from, each other. And now, as we read in today’s Gospel passage, Jesus is preparing his disciples for his departure; for the end of their relationship as they have known it up to that point; preparing them for his death.
Before we think together about the relationship of Jesus and his disciples, can you bring to mind a relationship in your life that was, or still is, a good one. Perhaps the relationship was with a husband or wife, a parent or a child or a friend. Just identify one person that you have felt close to and loved by and mull over for a few moments good memories of times with that person. Try to think about why that relationship is so important to you (allow a few moments of quiet reflection then a prayer thanking God for that relationship).
We experience relationships in our personal dealings day-by-day and in the relationships that we see in others. Sometimes those relationships are wonderful; sometimes difficult. The relationships of the rich and famous fill the media. Soap operas on television are mostly based on relationships too – often painful, strained and ever changing ones. Hopefully most of our relationships in life have been good ones. But even when human relationships are bad, we are internally driven to form new ones because we cannot live happily without being in relationship with others.
In this conversation, and subsequent ones that Jesus has with his disciples, he is preparing them and himself for parting. It is a time of intensive teaching and training of the disciples for when he will no longer be with them. It must have been a very difficult time for them. They had lived closely in the company of Jesus for 3 years. Their lives had been dramatically changed by the experience. But now, Jesus is telling them very clearly that he will be leaving them; telling them that their relationship, as they have known it up till now, will be ended.
Jesus concentrates on one main theme – though he will not be with them in the flesh, their relationship is not ending. In verse 18, Jesus promises them ‘I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you. The disciples will not be left alone he declares for he will be with them in a new way. In a foreshadowing both of Pentecost and of his second coming, he promises that they will not be forsaken.
We see the strength of the relationship of Jesus and the disciples in verse 15 when he tells them he will not leave them as orphans. "Orphan" is a poignant word. It creates sad images of children without parents; children who lose their relationship with their parents. The word ‘orphans’ implies the death of the relationship between child and parent. It’s a word most often applied to children, but when my mother died a few years ago, a teacher in my school wrote me a card which said he was sorry that I was now an orphan – I had never thought about the word in relation to an adult. But of course the implication an orphan is the ending of the very important relationship of child and parent, regardless of your age.
But, Jesus says he will not leave his disciples as orphans. Instead he will return, and in verse 17 he describes how his Spirit of truth will live with them and be in them. The Spirit of truth will care for them as a parent cares for his or her child, sharing with them the love of God the father.
The focus of what Jesus has to say is about love; the relationship of mutual love between Jesus and the disciples. The relationship of mutual love between Father and Son,, which is described in verses 20-21, of which the disciples, through the Spirit, are now made part. Over and over again in these final times together, Jesus talks about the love of God as that which will keep them in relationship when he has gone; will keep them together and in touch with him, as it has kept him in touch with the Father.
It’s clear from these verses, then, that the Spirit of God is fundamentally concerned with establishing and maintaining our relationship with God. The Spirit of truth convicts us that life is all about our relationship with God. Indeed the Spirit of God reminds all men and women that their heart will not find true rest until they find it in God.
Here then is the crux of human experience. In our creation as human beings, God placed in our hearts the need to be loved by God and by other people, and the need to love God and other people. We learn from our Father God how to love, just as we learn from our earthly parents how to love. Those of us who are parents will know the pain of being a parent when we get things wrong or when things go badly in the relationship with our children, and we have to look to God to understand how to be a good parent, accepting that as fallible human beings, there will always be times when our relationships will not be as good as we would want them to be. Good parenting means loving your child with the unconditional love of God for the benefit of the child and we cannot give that kind of love if we do not know it ourselves. We personally need to know the depth and eternity of the parental love of God for us, if we are to be good parents.
Building a strong relationship with God, and with other people, is essentially a very practical exercise. We have to spend time doing it! The relationship of Jesus with the disciples became very close and intimate because they spent time with each other. If we are to build on our relationship with God, indeed if we are to make it intimate, then we must spend time building that relationship. We build our relationship with God in similar way to the way we develop any human relationship – by spending time with him:
Let us commit ourselves to spending time on building our relationship with God, and learning from him how to love – he promises we will never be alone.